WTF?! Are You Serious?! (Season 1. Episode 6)

My brother is either the most brilliant music critic of the past thirty years, or the most retarded third grade graduate of Nate Mack Elementary School, I can't decide.

My family has been partially obsessed with a website called Sims On Stage. It's a site where individuals sing karoake to popular songs, and the computer records and it and one is apt to relive the humilation forever through the website. Furthermore, other people from across the country watch the videos, or listen to the audio, and score your performance. It's like an online karaoke bar, minus the hairy biker dudes and drunk lesbians.

Anyhow, last night my brother said something either completely enlightening or utterly moronic and I'm stuck deciding which one. While putting up Halloween decorations last night, my brother said, "I feel bad for the people that made those bad songs on Sims." I asked, "Like which ones?" And he replied with the lyrics, "Girl with kaleidoscope eyes." I just stared looking at him dumbfounded and sang the rest of the tune and he said, "Yeah, that one."

My brother, 4 foot in stature, stood looking at me, while I stood looking at him. And I asked him, "You think Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds by the Beatles is a bad song?" And he said, "Yes." I laughed and told my dad and my brother was just standing there confused.

So, after some detective work, I realized that the version that I sang on Simsonstage.com, is the version that my brother thought was professionally recorded by the Beatles in 1967. I recorded this version as a joke, and have indirectly ruined the Beatles for my brother for his entire lifetime. Here it is:

Record a Karaoke song at The Sims™ On Stage!
Choose a song from Rock, Pop, Country, Hip-Hop,
'80s, or All Genres.

Rate this performance at The Sims On Stage

So, is my brother so advanced that he can see something horrible in the Beatles that the rest of us simply cannot or is he strictly horrified by my rendition and can now never reach the level that the rest of us are at with the Beatles? Either way, my brother is now at a point regarding the most influential rock band of all time that nobody else can reach. He is forever indifferent to the Beatles.

editor's note: simsonstage.com has since been taken down and my recording has now been deleted.

Currently playing: Grand Theft Auto IV Release date: 2008-04-29

WTF?! Are You Serious?! (Season 1, Episode 1)

I feel like I've just crash landed on an alien civilization.
I don't feel like a human being at UNLV.

It is August 27th during the two thousand and eighth of the Lord's year...also known as the third day of classes.

I am surrounded by boots made of animal (or human) carcass, brightly colored cloth hanging from necks (mostly males surprisingly), and animal fur decorating every article of clothing and accessory. I feel like I am living on Hoth and I should be fearful of a Wampa attacking me, but no....this is Las Vegas and it is still 100 degrees out.

Don't these creatures around me sweat?! I mean, they look like humans....but they dress like indigenous people of an Alaskan tribe. I'm wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and flip flops; I'm sitting in an air-conditioned room; and I'm still sweating. WTF?!

When did the fashion industry force layers of clothes upon people instead of comfort? It baffles me! On second thought, is it the fashion industry or the music industry that creates these fashion norms? Do bands such as Panic (Exclamation point or not?) at the Disco really create these disastrous ensembles and make them mainstream? We're living in a period of zombiness tailored by the MTV Studios. These trolls of mainstream culture make me question the reason I'm here, I truly feel alien on this campus.

Remember that scene in Star Wars: Return of the Jedi when C-3P0 enters Jabba's Palace and is surrounded by the strangest of aliens, covered in reptilian skin and drooling green saliva? That's how UNLV feels. I am sitting in the UNLV Library, in a booth in the back, and right next to me is a guy with sunglasses on (in a covered building which is a pet peeve on a whole different level) and slouching in a chair with his legs on a table...sleeping. I guess this doesn't sound too strange in context, but just try to imagine him. He's wearing really short, green Oregon basketball shorts with a sleeveless blue shirt on, with his head at a 45 degree angle and his feet positioned a full six inches above his head.

Oh, speaking of sleeveless shirts, yesterday at the hospital there was a guy with down syndrome that had on a sleeveless Corona shirt with a 1998 Bulls Championship hat walking down the hall with his brother with a Malibu rum shirt on. I wonder who dresses him?


Anyhow, that's the end of this first installment...I promise the next episodes will be much more entertaining, I'm just aimlessly writing this in between classes and such.

Peace. Grapefruit. Amelia Earhart.

Ryan